Woo Me!
January 24th, 2012
My new found state of mind has given me a feeling of control and empowerment. It no longer mattered how long it was since my last date. I didn’t care. I am even slightly embarrassed to admit that I expected to get checked out 8 out of the 10 times that I walked by a guy. When it didn’t happen I was confused. Did every fairly pretty woman have that expectation? Who knows. The empowerment I feel now is great, I even stopped making excuses for not wanting to go on a date with a guy. The new me just says “I’m sorry I’d rather not” or “I am not interested but thank you’.
It’s funny though, I have become so accustomed to not dating that I am afraid of falling into my old habits when I meet a man that interests me. Will I let him lead if he had all the correct prerequisities? Would I continue to date if things go well between us or will I fall into my usual trap of a relationship. The goal is to hang out with a man that I am attracted to and have fun. So my girlfriends and I go out.
Very few “cuties” to mention. Towards the end of the night though I notice a man walking my way. I realize I’ve seen him before at different functions. Never the less, I have not spoken to him before so I didn’t know why he seemingly heading my way. He was walking over like we were old friends. Pretty rare for me to be this relaxed in this situation. Go ME! So he stated what I just said. He says “I know I have seen you before but I never asked you your name”.
He flattered me. I reciprocated. He bought me a drink and I accepted. Right before the flirtation and introduction became too involved, I thanked him for the drink and excused myself. My girlfriends were saying that if I found him attractive I should have stayed. The new me said “no”! That’s not the route for me. I wanted to watch him for a minute since he had time to watch me. This was empowering for me. I wasn’t sitting there going along with the flow and I was not waiting for the invitation to dinner. I made a small change in my behavior that made me feel like I had something to do with if and when we meet up again. Once I had time to watch how he interacted with others especially women and I was intrigued enough to want to know more, I walked back up to him. Since this was new to me, I just apologized for having to step away during our conversation. We spoke for a bit then I told him that I would love to talk with him more if he was interested. I gave him my phone number and I left. Empowerment feels amazing! Will he call? I have no idea. Right now I don’t even care. I feel great! I’ll let you know though!
January 12th, 2012
Hey Florida! I’m back and better than ever! Truth be told, I realized I just don’t know how to date. In fact, I don’t even like dating, I am the relationship type. (Phew, I can finally say it out loud!) You see, if the definition of dating is to go out regularly with a few men for the intention of getting to know them, then I’m certain I don’t know how to date. When I meet a man, I need to know if they are relationship material. That determines if and how many dates will occur. Once I give the green-light, one date turns into a month of dating turns into the fifth anniversary! It’s amazing how insidious that relationship status is! … and…well… I still don’t really know much more except that he’s relationship material! It seems I had fallen into a pattern. For a lot of us, the avoidance of the “bad guy” becomes the only criteria for maintaining a relationship. Once we get past that hurdle, we exhale and forget to look for the characteristics that we really want. We tend to stay because it’s comfortable, perhaps better than before, but not necessarily because it’s good. This revelation caused me to take action!
In an effort to engage in good relationships, I am now making a conscious effort to look at the things I want. I have decided to work from the positive, and not from the negative. Damaged lovers have to work too hard at not bringing baggage to the next relationship. LOL! While it’s prudent to protect one’s heart, it can’t be so over-reaching that it becomes more important than seeking true happiness. I allowed my protective stance to became my mantra–No man is going to hurt my heart. While in love rehab, I overanalyzed and scrutinized every date. Simultaneously, while looking for the “relationship guy” I have dated a series of nice guys, never “my guy”. Well those days are over!! No more grading and judging men to see how far up they have crawled from the bottom of the barrel! I wont continue to settle for the “not bad”, rather, I will consciously seek “my guy”, the proverbial “one”! That said, I decided to take a break from the dating scene. I gave myself an opportunity to just relax! While online dating can be a way to screen many people without commitment, it can be strenuous. With my new frame of mind, I needed an adjustment period. I wanted the holidays to be stress-free and all about my family. I focused on my parents, siblings and most importantly my daughter.
My family and I went to concerts, parks and played Xbox 360 like we were kids again. It was one of the best holidays we have had in a long time. Surprisingly, I met more guys in that relaxed environment than ever before. For once in my life, I enjoyed being complimented and flattered without any expectation. Phone numbers were not exchanged; I accepted compliments, even gave a few; held short, flip conversations and kept it movin’. When that guy at the gym “noticed” my hard work, I winked and thanked him. When the ushers at church doted on me, I didn’t feel guilty (as the blue hairs grimaced). It’s a new day! I’ll let you know how it goes.
Nov. 25th
You wouldn’t believe it! Amir called. I know!!!! I didn’t believe it, either!! You would expect that I would be rude, but amazingly enough I wasn’t. I answered the phone. To quickly recap, my date with Amir was a disaster!! I had left early because he was consumed with himself! I’m looking for a different kind of love fest. Although he was clueless as to why I left early, I thought he would have been kind enough to call and see if I made it home. He did ask me to drive an hour out of my way…to accommodate him!! Well, he didn’t! In fact, he didn’t call that night or the next night or the next night! It took him a week! A week to call because he was concerned about my busted tail light!! REALLY??? SMH! Is it me?
So, let’s see what’s behind door number 2!! I called Neil.
After several cyberconversations with Neil, we decided to meet. (this is always the exciting part! The reveal!) I made plans for my sister to pick up my daughter. See, if I arrange important bonding time for them, I can arrange important bonding time for me at the same time (if you know what I mean)! Everybody wins!! Of course I felt downhearted as they left together, but I had to stay the course! This was a mission afterall! All I want is for someone to woo me! So I cranked up the music, flatironed my hair, and put on my dating uniform (sexy shoes and backless dress) and waited for the enem…I mean Neil.
Neil and I had planned to meet at a wonderful Italian restaurant. I got there first to scope out the place, and hopefully scope him out first. I spotted him right away! He was the sexiest man I had ever seen. Sparkling blues eyes, athletic build, confident stance. He was the male version of the Swedish bikini team. I was swept away by how nicely dressed he was. Mmmm, and he smelled so yummy (sigh)! Well, dinner went smoothly, conversation flowed. We talked about our families and hobbies and goals—you know, normal things. I could see my guard dropping. Then it hit! Like the bomb at Iwo Jima! I asked Neil how he liked his job. Innocent enough, right? He told me he was out of work (Boom!). Said his work visa would expire in 8 months (Boom!). He needed to find a company to sponsor him or (and here’s the mushroom cloud) an American wife!!!!! …and there it was! Devastation lay before me! WHY ME??? Anybody looking would have been able to see that my posture had changed–I was wounded! I had my own arsenal of questions but couldn’t fire them off yet. I just sat there listening to the gunfire of information that was coming my way! I knew I had to compose myself! I knew I should have run for cover! I was a single mom and could not allow myself to be mislead by this smooth talking dude with ulterior motives.
I could tell, Neil didn’t know that he had just overwhelmed me. He was still so charming. (Was I being Punk’d?) I thought “He just disclosed a lot of information, leaving himself very vulnerable.” Hey wait! What about my vulnerabilities? Did he know, had I mentioned that my parents were also immigrants? Did he see a kindred spirit in me? Did he expect this to be an easy conversation? Maybe he was doing what we all ask for. Maybe he was just giving me the truth, and nothing but! We always sound the battle cry “Tell the truth!!” Well, now what? If you do not share something on that first date, doesn’t that have the potential to manifest into something devastating to your new relationship?
I didn’t know if it was easy for him to have shared his green card dilemma. I didn’t know if I should have told him how I felt about it or about this date or the conundrum it’s caused. Could I continue seeing him without judgment? Did I owe it to myself to see where things would go naturally? Could things even go naturally given the information I, now, had? What’s a girl to do to be woo’d?
NOV 17th
Ok! Where did we leave off last time. Oh yes I was out with my girlfriends when someone that I refused to talk to on an internet dating site walks right up to me and calls me by name. I wasn’t happy about that at all. I mean if I didn’t want to chat with him online what would make him think that I would want to talk to him in person? It was just a little unsettling for me. So I did exactly as I told you all that I would. I deleted all of my online dating profiles. I was uncomfortable having set one up in the first place. Now I am back to the good old fashioned way of meeting a guy. It’s back to one on one, face to face chemistry, courage and conversation. I don’t need to hide behind a computer right? Just jump right in with both feet right? Well not quite.
See before I deleted all of my online profiles I needed to address the few men I actually did converse with already.
So let’s see…. There is Pierre. Pierre is so cool. He is so big city, well dressed and full of personality. So far we like the same kinds of music and both of us have daughters around the same age.
Then there is Amir. He is so well spoken. A sexy, smart, refined man. He was a sexy mix of Italian and East Indian. Very exotic.
And lastly there is Cris. Cris is Swedish. Sexy abs, blue eyes and an engineer.
I will go out on at least one date with each of them. I will do it because it is the correct thing to do. OF COURSE!!!!
Amir is first. So I give Amir my cell phone number. We talk all week. We chat after work and even a few hours every night before I fall asleep. He is really kind and polite. To me things were going well enough to meet in person. We decide to meet in a public place. I was uncomfortable meeting him at his home. He understood and was nice enough to accommodate my concerns. Well not so much. Can you believe he asked me to drive an hour to meet him. Mind you, where he says we should meet is only 15 minutes away from where he lives. I’m thinking “I am the woman here”. “Why am I meeting you closer to your hometown rather than mine” I ask. He claims that I should pamper myself and take a relaxing drive. REALLY??? Really? Well … Maybe? So I drive to the meeting place that he suggests. As I drive I start to think that this isn’t the wisest decision I have ever made so I alert my inner circle of friends and I inform them of all of the pertinent details of where we are meeting and what I know of him. I gave them everything but his social security and that was because I didn’t know it.
I meet Amir at this mall and we decide to grab a bite to eat. So the scoring begins I think to myself. The butterflies begin. He is looking yummy and smelling sexy. Based on how he portrayed himself to be on the phone I am anticipating this romantic date with a complete gentleman. Before I know it we are at this lovely restaurant. So I am standing there waiting to have my chair pulled out. He doesn’t pull out my chair. He sits down. No biggie! Pulling out my chair may be too traditional or over rated. We look over the menu. We are listening to the live band and the waitress comes to take our order. He orders first. Hmmmmm!!! No problem. I was undecided anyway. He didn’t know that but maybe I looked like I didn’t have my mind made up. So I order last and the waitress leaves. Conversation is flowing smoothly. He seems to love his family. He asks me all about my family. I hear all about his job. All about his favorite stores. He tells me how much he works out. He details how women try and pick him up at the gym and the club all of the time. Thank goodness the bill comes. I mean this has been a bit more about him than it has been about both of us or me or inclusive of me much at all. It doesn’t matter too much because he kept the conversation going. So he looks over the bill. He pulls out his wallet. Of course I say thank you for dinner. Then he says “I’m sorry. Here’s the bill! Yours isn’t too much.”
What?? Is he serious? He IS serious. Fine! I can pay for my own meal. I am not bourgie. But I am going home now. Most people say my emotions can be easily read all over my face but he is completely lost about why I am hightailing it out of the restaurant and through the parking lot. How is he missing it? Anyway, I’m thinking let’s get this hug/ first kiss out of the way so I can get this over with. You wonder why I would be thinking of kissing him aren’t you? Is it wrong to think that maybe the kiss will make me give him a second chance. Maybe he will say “Psych!!! You were just pranked!” We are at my car. I unlock my door. He kind of leans on the car and does all the moves that should lead into him kissing me. Instead he talks for another 30 minutes. About himself. REALLY? I mean I am not even contributing to this conversation at all. Did I not tell him I am leaving? So I finally shut him down. I open the car door myself. I don’t need the dating formalities at this point but it would be nice to see him demonstrate that he has some idea of what is supposed to happen on a date. I was over this date though. I probably should not have expected anything. All I wanted was to feel like I was being wooed by a worthy candidate. So I ask, is chivalry dead? Was he not into me?
I guess I’ll see if he calls!
Nov. 13th
My name is Woomi Lattimoore. I’m a 32 year old single woman with a beautiful little girl. I have an excellent career in sales. I would say that I’m surprisingly single but at this point it is a surprise to no one. I have been set up on blind dates and flirted with single church members (God help me, but the well is DRY!). In fact, I might as well be the poster girl for dating sites, even though I hate dating sites! Who wouldn’t hate marketing themselves in 250 words or less? Hoping you have the right 250 word combination, uploading the right photo (hmmm…should I go intelligent or sexy?). Sex sells, but how much is too much? Not an easy task, people, not an easy task. Ugh! What is a girl to do?
Back to my bio. I am quick witted, ivy league educated, and can still walk a straight line after 3 shots of tequila. My daughter is 7 years old and very loving. She can melt anyone’s heart. She has tan colored skin, a huge smile and curly dark brown hair. They call her the Disney kid because of her silly, sassy and outgoing personality. I will protect her at all costs. Unfortunately, one of the costs is my ability to go out regularly (hence, all of the online dating). My personal life is now a series of virtual conversations (with men who I pray will look like their picture). What’s worse, I am signed up with a minimum of 3 online dating sites. I may as well have a billboard with my profile on it. And while my market blitz should be successful, it’s just a little shy of that expectation.
On a recent (and rare) night out, I went out to a local lounge. Some of us were celebrating a friend’s birthday and participating in some very silly and scandalous party games. As I attempted to fulfill my duty as host of the party, this guy walks up and says “Woomi?” I searched this man’s face and realized I didn’t know him. Curious how he knows me I asked “Do we know each other?” He told me he had been trying to talk to me on one of the dating sites but I hadn’t responded. All at once my heart started to pound. “WHAT????” I thought. No one is supposed to recognize me in person!! Especially if we didn’t chat!! Ewwww…!! As I stood there, I realized why I hadn’t chatted with him. He looked like a pimp. A pimp with a bright purple suit and lime green tie. A pimp with a gold tooth that I could see my reflection in and he didn’t conjugate one verb in any of his sentences. I can handle a well used slang or a strong accent but come on…. Aaargh!!!! Is this what dating has come to? Am I the only one with these types of stories??? These type of things happen to me all of the time. Come back again. I’ll have more to tell you then…!!
